China warns monkeys not to institutionalize unrest

The Chinese Ministry of Primates has made public an internal report alerting the government of restlessness among monkeys in several key provinces. The document recommends surveillance of monkeys in an unnamed province who are suspected of having separationist tendencies, promoting democracy and engaging in sex parties in obscure chambers of official buildings.

The monkeys have been publicizing unauthorized primate-abuse statements in foreign newspapers such as this from SIFY News (India)

The Year of the Monkey, which began [in January 2004], has brought misery to monkeys in China's zoos, which are forcing the animals to give more performances than usual due to their increasing popularity, state media said Monday.
In a zoo in Wuhan city, capital of Hubei province, a monkey wore away the skin on its rear after repeatedly performing cycling tricks during the week-long Lunar New Year holiday.

The Australian carried this story. The Ministry warned that the peaceful policy will not last if this unpatriotic activity continues.

Chinese farmers battle marauding monkeys
From AFP
May 04, 2004
BAMBOO farmers in east China's Anhui province are mobilising against armies of rhesus monkeys, who attack their fields in a veritable "war of the species," state media said Monday.

The conflict has broken out in Jing county, where rural families living on some of China's most suitable soil for bamboo have seen unusually fierce assaults from roving bands of monkeys this spring, Xinhua news agency said.

The problem for the farmers is that they cannot kill the monkeys, as the government has launched a campaign to protect the rhesus species, now considered "nearly endangered" after decades of hunting.

Instead, they have hired laborers whose only task is to drive the monkeys off the fields by peaceful means, an onerous task as they sometimes come in groups of 200 to 300.

The government hinted at even more creative solutions to China's serious rural unemployment problem if the monkeys continue on "this dangerous course."