Saturday, May 08, 2004
China warns monkeys not to institutionalize unrest
The Chinese Ministry of Primates has made public an internal report alerting the government of restlessness among monkeys in several key provinces. The document recommends surveillance of monkeys in an unnamed province who are suspected of having separationist tendencies, promoting democracy and engaging in sex parties in obscure chambers of official buildings.
The monkeys have been publicizing unauthorized primate-abuse statements in foreign newspapers such as this from SIFY News (India)
The Year of the Monkey, which began [in January 2004], has brought misery to monkeys in China's zoos, which are forcing the animals to give more performances than usual due to their increasing popularity, state media said Monday.
The Australian carried this story. The Ministry warned that the peaceful policy will not last if this unpatriotic activity continues.
Chinese farmers battle marauding monkeysThe government hinted at even more creative solutions to China's serious rural unemployment problem if the monkeys continue on "this dangerous course."
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