Patriot Act Nailed by "Spare Change" writer

Of all the crackpot policies implemented in the post 9-11 era of paranoia and security retrofits, the USA Patriot Act is probably the most draconian. And maybe the most irreversable, as the selective encroachment on constitutional rights is legitimized on the backs of shocked, grieving, angry Americans. Americans can take it though, it only coalesces the dissent and outrage. And brings the crackpots out of the woodwork.

Bob Dole, there's a crackpot for ya, used to say "where's the outrage?" (And then he went and made a TV commercial for Viagra, after he lost the election.)

September 08, 2003

Dear Federal Agents:

As soon as I finish this note I’m going to tape it on wall in the front hallway of my home. The following information will hopefully save you some time when you break into my place when I’m not there, to snoop through my possessions. I understand that because of the USA Patriot Act, federal agents now have the right to snoop through my home and belongings without a search warrant and without notifying me before or after. This includes you agents searching my books, my computer, and even my underwear, and taking whatever you want, even though I’m not suspected of having done anything wrong.

As a patriotic American, I certainly support this law (especially because our arch-enemies Osama B. and Saddam H. are still on the loose and so could conceivably be hiding in my home, along with some weapons of mass destruction). Therefore I’ve decided I’d better tell you agents right upfront about what you may find incriminating in my home and my defense for it. Otherwise I might have (as Ricky Ricardo used to say to Lucy) “some ‘splainin’ to do.”
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Spare Change is a "Street" Newspaper, one distributed by homeless and low income people. Alternet syndicates these "street papers" which are often an amazingly entertaining and enlightening read. Articles typically focus on poverty, homelessness and the perspective of those abandoned by the world's richest nation. Holly Hand, who doesn't seem that disadvantaged from the description of her home, lands a good shot in this article.